The Truth Hurts

In my attempts to catch up on some old movies, I decided to watch a movie 'Basic'. Admittedly, I had not heard anything about the movie and had no expectations whatsoever. Although I stayed up late, it was rather engrossing in the weaving of the different stories.

Without giving too much away, it was rather interesting to see that the underlying principle which the movie relies on is the truth. To get to the bottom of things and to know the truth about an incident is something which seems to be a common thread amongst us. Of course a number of movies previously had used this tactic: 'Primal Fear', 'The Usual Suspects', 'Courage Under Fire'....the list goes on.

So based on this, it appears that there is something in the majority of us which drives us to uncover the truth about the situation, especially when it is concerning us individually. I want to know why something went wrong, what the cause of it was etc.

But all too often we have heard of the saying that the truth hurts. In some circumstances, is it better to lie (or tell a white lie) rather than speak the truth? When is it acceptable or not acceptable? How does one know that lying isn't hurting someone even more?

Personally, I would want someone to tell me the truth. But does that mean someone should pro-offer the truth to if they felt that it was important to me? I think so - if it is negatively affecting me and they mean well. I would want to know no matter how much it hurt me, so that I know and I am not the only one left in the dark. However, I guess some would argue - hey, you didn't ask, so I am not going to say anything.

Sometimes, it is also difficult to discern truth from very subjective comments - which are not necessarily constructive, but can be misconstrued easily. I guess, that is a matter of the delivery.

However, the next question is whether I would extend others the same courtesy. Would it depend on how they take it? Or would it depend on whether our friendship was jeapardised? I guess, I wouldn't want to lose a friend, or have a friend be angry with me (selfish reason, I know), but in the long run, if it is beneficial to them to know - I guess I would do it (but it would be a real tough one). If they were a close friend, then I would most likely do it. But even then it would be hard. Perhaps this is just me and my obsession with the truth.

A little reflection

I have to admit, I am not one to talk a lot about myself. In fact, I would classify myself as being quite conservative and not one to open up easily about feelings and thoughts. However, I am quite conscious of the fact that I cannot easily and objectively judge myself to the full extent I would like. Also, unless I speak with other people, I would not be able to get an insight to myself as well as other people in order to see how other people tick.

Lately, I have been luckily enough to have long chats with some individuals who have been willing to share what they think and their thought processes. In doing so, I am also able to evaluate and compare notes with my own thinking and methods, and therefore see myself in a different way. I am definitely grateful for the opportunity to tap into another's mind, if only but a brief moment, in order to help me get through those areas where I am stuck.

Excited at what I had learnt about myself and/or better ways of doing things, I thought it best to write some of those key thoughts down, so as to not forget.


1. One is responsible for their own affairs. - including one's own happiness.

Don't expect someone else to make you happy - you are responsible for making yourself happy and do what you want to do or have to do to make yourself happy. Noone else will know what makes you truly happy, and strive towards that goal. Don't feel pressured into doing one thing or another - just do what makes you happy. Do it for yourself first and foremost. Life is too short to be unhappy all the time.

Some people have called me laid back when it comes to dealing with my own affairs, so I guess that's a kind way of saying that I am inherently lazy! Haha. Sadly, it's too true!


2. Take that first step towards your goal

Don't be afraid to take the first step towards making your dreams and what you want to do.
"Try and re-evaluate your position every 6-12mths. Why six and twelve months? Anything less than six months is a distraction as it is constantly in the back of your mind; Anything greater than twelve months means that if you were not getting to where you wanted to, then you would rather not wait more than twelve months to find out".
So if the fit is not there, then one may as well finish up and move onto something which is more sutiable.


3. It should be a win-win situation

This one is quite interesting in that when negotiating, one always wants to win. The ideal situation is where both parties are winning. If one party even feels like they are losing or are getting the raw end of the deal, then that party will soon leave. Unless both parties are winning, it is difficult for either party to justify why they are in that agreement.


4. Know the tradeoffs and sacrifices

Without full knowledge of the tradeoffs and sacrifices, one cannot make an informed decision and weigh up the conflict factors. One should be happy with their choice - given all available information at the time of making that choice. I know that I am very poor at doing this, and this leads to a certain amount of indecisiveness on my part - apologies and kudos to all those who have had to put up with that from me! haha.


So now is a good time to try and figure myself out a little bit more and determine just what it takes to make me tick and work on those points where I feel I need some tweaking.

Anyway, better get back to the "DIY Self Improvement" program. Updates in construction!