Sunday 15 January 2006

Fear Factor

Today, I bought a new set of goggles since the chlorine in the pool has been causing red eyes, (not those isolated to cameras, since these red eyes actually hurt). It has been good to be able to see underwater and the clarity is amazing. I tried them at night and it was definitely an interesting experience.

Firstly, looking outside the pool, I couldn't see much as it was not lit and I didn't have contact lenses. Inside the pool, only half the pool was lit since there were a number of the pool lights which were off.

I haven't swum in years, but for some reason, I had trouble breathing correctly. Maybe I have forgotten the breathing technique for swimming - not that I am inhaling while underwater; I just start to panic that I won't surface in time to take my next breath.

The same fear had crept into my thoughts when I went snorkelling a few weeks back. My breathing technique was horribly unco-ordinated and I don't understand why that is the case.

Another common feature was that the darker and murkier sections of the water was a bit of an "unknown" - in both the pool and at the beach. I had some fleeting moments where some fear pulsed through my thoughts. As brief as it was, I have to recognise that it was there. "Why?" - I have no clue. I am not even sure whether I was half expecting a fearsome creature to emerge suddenly from the darkness and to inflict horrible amounts of pain on me. There was trigger in my head which just flipped that switch from being safe, to a practically being a fish out of water (excuse the pun). Why, when just swimming, should fear be present? It's not like I don't know how to swim.

I thought back to my childhood experiences with water, and they were not negative experiences. When I was a kid, I even did a lifesaving course. So why is that I have trouble now treading water? Why is it that I have developed a fear of deep water?

There is no real rational explanation which I can give for this. Perhaps my age is catching up to me - when I was younger, I did feel more invincible. Now, maybe know my limitations - what I am good at, what I am not good at, and I am just not good at swimming??

Or maybe I have a fear of what I don't know - what lies ahead is murky and unclear. Should I swim forward and see for myself? Or should I play it safe and stay away from those areas which I can't see? One can't be too sure - so why take that risk? It's not until I swim closer that my fears are allayed - knowing it is safe.

1 comment:

cosine said...

maybe seeing jaws and the recent shark attacks in oz has made you more wary about being in the water. i know i get scared when i see those buoys bobbing up and down in the ocean. but not being able to see the whole picture is often v. scary. glad to see that you goggles to improve your vision.